The Summer of my Discontent

So several months into all the life changing experiences (new business, new church congregation, loss of a business partner/friend and loss of my mother) I began to question things.

Were the new church boundaries an inspired action? If so why are so many people and  families struggling with it. And why is the building we're assigned to attend 10 minutes further away. Our drive went from 35 minutes to 45. One Way! And one family's drive went from 20 minutes to nearly an HOUR!

My answer: It wasn't a God-inspired move, it was a man's convenience move. The members of the "new to me" congregation were in need of a spiritual transfusion and the "strong" members in my town were assigned as the inoculation.

First clue that the church is run as a bureaucracy. We're losing members over here, so let's take some from over there, reassign them and create a new congregation and call it growth!

Second clue was when ex-business partner was assigned as Women's President. Really? She's the best you got? That must be the only person they could wrangle in to say yes. Now I know that sounds mean and it is, but really. She wouldn't speak to me and she's the one who quit to take care of a goat! I had approached her a time or two to return requested items like recipes or favorite kitchen tools, etc. "Here's your recipe for white cake." I was received with a roll of the eyes and not a word passed her lips. Even a friend mentioned how odd the interaction was. Several weeks into this type behavior I spoke to my Bishop about how it might be resolved. All he could muster up was that his ex-wife and her new husband attend this congregation and they have found a way to make things work, so I could too. He said he'd have a talk with her and see if we could have a sit down with the three of us to work things through. That was a no-go. No way, Jose.

(Incidentally I also found out about this same time that there were child molesters/abusers attending that congregation with the victims of their crimes!! How could any parent allow their child to be subjected to sit each week in the same room as their attacker? And how can this church turn a blind eye to such things and call it part of the repentance process? Sick, sick, sick. Good thing I don't know names because, boy, does that rile me up!)

Sitting each week in sacrament meeting was getting harder and harder. You could call it The Summer of My Discontent. One particularly rough week I got up and left. I could not take a second more of it. I drove and drove and drove and ended up visiting a congregation I had attended several years before. When I walked in the foyer and saw my old friends I broke down in tears. It felt like returning home. I knew church could be a place of spiritual renewal. I had it once many years ago. I was determined to have it again. I resolved to attend that ward until my wounds were healed.

It was then I decided to separate the corporation and bureaucracy of the church from the doctrines of the church.  What are the official teachings and what are the folk tales? What is scriptural and what is man's interpretation? I attended church with a new resolve to straighten out the truth, the pure gems, from the crap. Because I was seeing a lot of crap.

"It started with a whisper"

It all started...well way back.. actually, Spring of 2012 to better pin point it. It was a time of many changes. I had just opened a bakery cafe with a good friend. A super cute, 1940's retro inspired space, just off the town square. We served sandwiches on house made bread and served soups made from scratch. No preservatives or other junk entered our sacred kitchen space. Cakes, cookies, pies and puddings graced our bakery case. We had the best food in town and the lunch crowd quickly filled all available seats.Things were humming along quite well until we hit our first hiccup.
 

Just weeks into the opening my mother had a severe heart attack and I had to leave town. For ten days. I was the only bread baker. My partner went into crisis mode and coerced me to teach her to make bread before I left town. (Side note: You can not learn to bake bread in an afternoon. Let alone by someone who's mother lay fighting for her life in a hospital bed 2000 miles away. If it were me, I would have just purchased bread from another bakery and called it a day, but I digress.)

Interestingly that same day I was also informed that my family was reassigned church congregations and we were told we had to attend a different location with a new group of people. (More on this story in a later post). So I flew out that day with the understanding that the people I attended church with and who were my emotional support system, would not be there when I returned home.

The next several days consisted of attending to my mother and bonding with my siblings. We all live in different parts of the country and rarely see each other. Especially without kids and spouses. Despite the circumstances we enjoyed the time we spent with each other in our 24/7 hospital vigil. After three weeks recovering in intensive care Mom was discharged and in the care of my youngest sister.

I returned home to a new church family and a stressed out business partner. Fortunatley I also came home to a lovely husband and three happy children.

I did not like my new church congregation. And to be perfectly honest, I still don't like most of the new throng. (Another story, I'm sure).

I jumped back into work at the bakery and put a smile on my face each Sunday as I attended with the new collection of church goers.

Several weeks passed and Mom seemed to be making steady progress. However one Sunday afternoon in April she laid down for a nap and never woke up. She died peacefully in her sleep, the way she always wanted to go.

So as a new crisis sprang up, I left the bakery in the hands of my partner once again. This time for three weeks as my family and I journey by car across the United States for my mothers funeral.

Upon returning on a Wednesday night, from an exhausting ordeal, I took a few days to get back on my feet. That week happened to be my business partners birthday so I purchased several lovely gifts. Some to celebrate her birth and the others as a thank you for shouldering the responsibilities at the shop. While we meet to catch up and exchange gifts I mentioned she might like to take a week or two off to recuperate and rejuvenate. She declined the extended time off and said she would be in on Wednesday.

Wednesday morning I received a text message from my her stating that she would not be coming in anymore and that if I needed her to cook anything to let her know. She had a baby goat to take care of. Really?! a baby goat? That's your excuse? She quit just days after I returned home from my mothers funeral, WITH A TEXT MESSAGE! So long story short I'm left running the bakery on my own.

The next several weeks consisted of buy out and partnership dissolution agreements and negotiations. It deserves a mention here that she attended only one meeting, arms folded and nary a word passed her lips. She let her husband do all the talking.

Not long after I became sole proprietor of The Cutest Lunch Spot in Town, new assignments at church were handed down. My business partner was asked to be the president of the woman's organization and her husband was asked to be one of three leaders over the entire congregation. Ugh.

Not only was it bad enough the ex-partner would not speak to me, she was now assigned to a position of authority over me! And her husband too. Yuck. I couldn't stomach going to church anymore. 

Do the church, powers that be, know how badly these people behaved? Continued to behave? Apparently behavior didn't matter. I brought my concerns forward to no avail.

Something started to whisper to my soul that things were not right. This is the beginning of my story. My self discovery, reawakening and the search for the truth in life and in my religion.The beginning of my midlife crisis.